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Manifestations of Family Enmeshment: How has enmeshment appeared in your life?
Written By: Mary Angeline Flordeliza
If you or someone close to you has experienced family enmeshment, you may have noticed something confusing; Some experiences feel familiar across different families, while others seem completely different. Some children are excessively praised and relied upon, while others are belittled and forced to be dependent on their guardians.
These differences exist because enmeshment can take many forms. A child may experience one type consistently, or move between several different points in their life or even at the same time. While how they experience enmeshment may vary, they share a common thread; the blurred emotional boundaries between parent and children.
Moving forward, we’ll explain common manifestations of enmeshed family dynamics and how they affect children as they grow older.
1. Instrumental Parentification
Instrumental Parentification is when a child becomes the provider within the family. Parents are not able to provide practical support, so children take up parental duties that are inappropriate for their age and/or developmental capacity. These can include, but are not limited to, sibling care, financial management, household management; Responsibilities are typically reserved for the guardians in the family.
While parentification may boost self-esteem, according to Brochet (2020), Arellano (2018), and Dariotis (2023) the role was significantly associated with depressive symptoms, anxiety, somatic symptoms, general psychological distress, burnout, and the feeling of a lost childhood.
Although parentification may provide some benefits, like temporarily boosting a child’s self-esteem, those who are parentified have less time to spend on themselves, making it harder to support their own wants and needs.
2. Emotional Parentification
This type of parentification focuses on the child meeting the parent’s emotional needs. Emotional parentification looks like parents inappropriately depending on their child for their mental health such as seeking out relationship advice, mediating conflicts, making them responsible for their emotions (Garber, 2021).
In our study, “Exploring Familial Enmeshment and its Impact on the Mental Well-being of Filipino Gen Z Adults in Metro Manila“, some were expected to support their guardians when they vent, or felt the need to conform to their guardians’ beliefs to appease their emotions. These may also look like a parent constantly venting, asking for advice, or treating their child as a therapist.
3. Infantilization
Infantilization occurs when capable individuals are persistently treated like children by family members, which then limits their growth and autonomy (Garber, 2021). This could result in low self-confidence, low self-esteem, decision-making anxiety, identity confusion, commitment issues, and feeling a lack of purpose due to constantly being coddled or overprotected (Marson & Powell, 2014).
In our study, those infantilized reported feeling insecure and lacking essential life skills such as doing household chores, commuting, and financial management, all while being belittled by those around them. Some have also experienced a parent criticizing them, comparing them to peers or siblings, or downplaying their child’s emotions or needs.
While protecting one’s child from harm is a natural part of parenting, these can become excessive when it hinders or deprives children to grow from their mistakes and learn that they can pick themselves up even after a fall.
4. Overinvolvement
In Olson’s Circumplex Model, he theorized that enmeshment in families can vary. Some are incredibly rigid in their rules, while others are less so. However, all of them indicate that enmeshed families prioritize conformity over open conversation, and create a shared social reality through emphasis on parental authority and family rules.
In our study, this was expressed in various ways. It may have looked like parents projecting their values onto their children, solving problems for them, choosing who their friends or relationships should be, enforcing how their children should act or dress even if they were already adults, or pressuring them into a course they do not want.
While parental authority can nurture and guide children, if it becomes too rigid, without open dialogue or encouragement of independent thought, it can hinder a child’s individuation, self-esteem, autonomy, and self expression.
But why does it matter?
Family enmeshment may not look harmful on the surface. To outsiders, these relationships may masquerade as closeness, loyalty, and even care. But when a family’s boundaries are blurred, it can teach children that they are constantly responsible for those around them, that they should make themselves smaller so their needs do not burden others, and that they need to act in unsustainable ways to feel worthy of love or acceptance.
By being aware of these patterns and how they may manifest, we can start to take the first steps towards understanding and healing; whether that means learning how to build boundaries, relearning self-autonomy, or something as simple as understanding and naming the experiences that once felt hard to explain.
Do you need help in finding affordable mental healthcare?
Note: These resources are based in the Philippines, check for mental healthcare providers in your region as it may be more fit towards your needs.
REFERENCES AND READINGS
Adams, K. M. (1991). Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners : Understanding Covert Incest. United States: Health Communications.
Borchet, J. Lewandowska-Walter, A. Połomski, P. Peplińska, A. & Hooper, L. M. (2020). We are in this Together: Retrospective Parentification, Sibling Relationships, and Self-Esteem. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 29(10), 2982–2991. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-020-01723-3
Arellano, B., Mier-Chairez, J., Tomek, S., & Hooper, L.M. (2018). Parentification and Language Brokering: An Exploratory Study of the Similarities and Differences in Their Relations to Continuous and Dichotomous Mental Health Outcomes. Journal of Mental Health Counseling. https://doi.org/10.17744/mehc.40.4.07
Dariotis, J. K., Chen, F. R., Park, Y. R., Nowak, M. K., French, K. M., & Codamon, A. M. (2023). Parentification Vulnerability, Reactivity, Resilience, and Thriving: A Mixed Methods Systematic Literature Review. International journal of environmental research and public health, 20(13), 6197. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20136197
Darke, L., Paterson, H. & van Golde, C. Illuminating Gaslighting: A Comprehensive Interdisciplinary Review of Gaslighting Literature. J Fam Viol (2025). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-025-00805-4
Epstein, R., Bock, S.D., Drew, M.J. et al. Infantilization across the life span: A large-scale internet study suggests that emotional abuse is especially damaging. Motiv Emot 47, 137–163 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-022-09989-4
Koerner, A. F., & Fitzpatrick, M. A. (2006). Family Communication Patterns Theory: A Social Cognitive Approach. In D. O. Braithwaite & L. A. Baxter (Eds.), Engaging theories in family communication: Multiple perspectives (pp. 50–65). Sage Publications, Inc. https://doi.org/10.4135/9781452204420.n4
Gaikwad, M.M., Sharma, L.(2023). Gaslighting: An In-depth review of Psychological Manipulation and its implications. EPRA International Journal of Multidisciplinary Research(IJMR). 9(10). 2455-3662. https://doi.org/10.36713/epra2013
Garber, B. D. (2011). Parental alienation and the dynamics of the enmeshed parent–child dyad: Adultification, parentification, and infantilization. Family Court Review, 49(2), 322–335. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1744-1617.2011.01374.x
Hann-Morrison, D. (2012). Maternal Enmeshment: The Chosen Child. SAGE Open, 2(4), 215824401247011. https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244012470115
Love, P., & Robinson, J. (1991). The Emotional Incest Syndrome What to do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life. P.10-15. Bantam Books. http://www.vlebooks.com/vleweb/product/openreader?id=none&isbn=9780307799180
Olson, D. H., Waldvogel, L., & Schlieff, M. (2019). Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems: An Update. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 11(2), 199–211. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jftr.12331
Marson, S. M., & Powell, R. M. (2014). Goffman and the infantilization of elderly persons: A theory in development. Journal of Sociology and Social Welfare, 41(4), 143–158. https://doi.org/10.15453/0191-5096.3986