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What Contributes to Enmeshment?

Written By: Mary Angeline Flordeliza

While there are many factors that may contribute to enmeshment, there is currently no definitive study that shows the cause of enmeshment as it would be unethical to experiment how different boundaries would affect families.

 

The list below draws from long standing clinical observations, self-reports, and retrospective analyses that build on different approaches to family therapy from the works of Minuchin, Garber, Bacon and Conway, and Bowen to find common themes that contribute and characterize enmeshment.

1. Diffused Boundaries - “Keep Quiet so You’ll be Loved”

While boundaries serve to protect one’s well-being, they also function to distinguish one’s identity from others, allowing you to meet your specific needs and wants (Chernata, 2024; Minuchin, 1974). Hence, when family members are unable to have their own boundaries, they suppress a facet of their identity for the sake of maintaining the relationship, which can lead to enmeshment (Minuchin, 1974).

 

Garber (2021) states that these boundaries are breached out of necessity, most commonly driven by systemic pressures (i.e., poverty, being a part of marginalized communities, domestic violence) or pathology (i.e., chronic illness), which can lead to children and parents switching roles, and consequently adversely affecting a child’s development.

2. Emotional Fusion - “Safety Means I have to Please You”

According to Bowen (1978), Emotional Fusion is a situation where two people overidentify with each other. They may absorb the other’s emotions and blur one’s sense of self with the other. He and Garber(2021) also observed that in dysfunctional families, parents may project unresolved emotional issues to their children due to a lack of differentiated identity, parental anxiety, family or marital conflict.

 

Children may also be punished for deviating from their parents’ own identity or values, which then creates the message that “I need to read my parents’ mood so I can feel accepted” (Bowen 1978; Garber, 2021). As such, instead of the child or the parent developing the ability to recognize and regulate one’s own psychological needs, this may unequally put pressure on the child to fuse with the parents’ emotions in order to feel safe and secure. Thus, their identities become even more entangled.

3. Unresolved Trauma - “I Need You to Need Me”

Unresolved trauma can refer to the child’s trauma or the parent’s trauma in this scenario. As stated before, Garber(2021), Bowen(1978), and Minuchin (1974) observed that enmeshed parent-child relationships inhibit self-regulation, autonomy, and individuation.

 

Children may grow up feeling the need to meet the parents’ psychological needs to maintain safety in their family, while parents may feel the need to project their psychological needs or emotionally depend on children due to past or ongoing trauma (Chummun, 2025; Garber, 2021). This reinforces emotional fusion and diffused boundaries for a long period of time, as they become dependent on each other to emotionally regulate.

 

Some examples of traumatic situations include (but not limited to):

  1. Physical or Emotional Abuse
  2. Domestic Violence
  3. Systemic Injustice
  4. Poverty
  5. Loss of a loved one
  6. Marital or Family Conflict

Note: These examples were based on the clinical studies of Chummun (2025) and Garber (2021), where early experiences of trauma can lead to blurred boundaries and emotional fusion.

4. Intergenerational Transmission - “This was All I knew”

Bowen(1978) stated that the practice of emotional fusion can be passed on from generations, which normalizes behaviors that inhibit individuation for the sake of family harmony. For example, a recent study (grounded in Bowen’s family systems theory) looks at how emotional problems are passed onto three generations of 348 Lithuanian parents. They found that parents who grew up in dysfunctional families, especially those who practiced triangulation, were more likely to struggle with emotional regulation, low self-differentiation (or individuation), and their spouse or child relationships (Čepukienė and Neophytou, 2024).

So, What Can I Do?

While there are many things that can contribute to enmeshment, there are also many interventions that family members can seek to break away from these dysfunctional patterns. Among these include family or individual therapy, psychoeducation, and supporting government or non-government programs that advocate for mental health education and health care provisions.

If you need help in finding mental health providers, our team has curated a list of community resources that you can find in the link below!

Visit Community Resources

Note: These resources are based in the Philippines; check for mental healthcare providers in your region, as they may be more fit towards your needs.

REFERENCES AND READINGS

Bowen, M. (1978). Family Theory in Clinical Practice, A Jason Aronson Book.

Calatrava, M., Martins, M. V., Schweer-Collins, M., Duch-Ceballos, C., & Rodríguez-González, M. (2022). Differentiation of self: A scoping review of Bowen Family Systems Theory’s core construct. Clinical psychology review, 91, 102101. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102101

Čepukienė, V., & Neophytou, K. (2024). Intergenerational transmission of familial relational dysfunction: A test of a complex mediation model based on Bowen family systems theory. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 41(11), 3385-3408. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075241265472

Chernata, T. (2024). Personal boundaries: definition, role, and impact on mental health. Personality and Environmental Issues, 3(1), 24–30. https://doi.org/10.31652/2786-6033-2024-3(1)-24-30

Garber, B.D. (2021). The Dynamics of the Enmeshed Family System Ten Years Later: Family Court and Contemporary Understanding of Adultification, Parentification, and Infantilization. Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. 34, 97-120. https://familylawconsulting.org/publications/Enmeshment%202021%20update.pdf

Love, P., & Robinson, J. (1991). The Emotional Incest Syndrome What to do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life. P.10-15. Bantam Books. http://www.vlebooks.com/vleweb/product/openreader?id=none&isbn=9780307799180

Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and family therapy. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Minuchin, S., & Fishman, H. C. (1981). Family therapy techniques. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press