ADVOCACY
SUPPLEMENTARY RESOURCES
Did You Experience Multiple Forms of Enmeshment?
Written By: Mary Angeline Flordeliza
As mentioned previously in the third video, Common Forms of Enmeshment, it is plausible to experience multiple forms of enmeshment at different points in one’s life, or experience them simultaneously. Although most studies on enmeshment don’t focus on how these may overlap.
External and internal factors can also make other forms more visible in parent-child dynamics than others, making other forms harder to recognize. These include stereotypes such as older children being parentified or younger children being infantilized. Yet, as our study explored the interviewees’ narratives –regardless of what form they initially reported– they found themselves to be experiencing other forms.
Infantilization and Parentification
To illustrate, one of the infantilized interviewees, Tam (pseudonym) had grown up to constant harsh criticism and sporadic aggression from his mother. He was often undermined when he could not do specific chores in her precise time or standards, or when he could not academically compete with his eldest brother. This fueled his struggles with his self-esteem and relationships later on.
Despite this, Tam describes himself as the household’s utusan (errand boy) –often taking care of his siblings’ chores even when they are responsible for their own dishes, doing maintenance around the house, fetching or teaching his younger siblings, diffusing family tensions –which often leaves him exhausted and overstimulated to the amount of needs that he has to care for on a daily basis.
Tam recounts that the only time he had for himself was at night, and most times, past midnight. Despite knowing it wouldn’t be good for his body to sleep little, he felt that it was the only time where he could be at peace and away from his family.
Emotional Dependence
Other forms of enmeshment covered in Entangled do not have a clear inclination towards infantilization or parentification. To reiterate, Emotional Dependence (formally known as Emotional incest), is when parents or guardians become dependent on a child for emotional support, intimacy, or companionship (Love & Robinson, 1991; Adams, 1991).
If one were parentified, this may look like parents relying on their child to hold him or her accountable for their parents’ mental health, to make their child an emotional anchor, or to seek out advice –specifically, Garber(2021) referred to this as Emotional Parentification. On the other hand, infantilized children such as Tam, may experience Emotional Dependence in the form of Emotional Displacement –where guardians transfer their acute anxiety onto objects or activities, in this case, their children, in order to protect themselves from the stressor or protect their sense of self (Love, 1991; Costa, 2017).
Overinvolvement
In a Nutshell
These narratives and previous literature suggest that enmeshment is not just a one-note experience. While there are differences in how children are treated in enmeshed parent-child dynamics, there are also similarities due to the nature of enmeshment. As such, children, regardless of the form they experience, are hindered in developing their sense of self as their identity becomes entangled with those of their guardians or family members.
While it is difficult to overcome the impact it has on family members, there are professionals and interventions available to those who experience it.
Would you like to learn more about them?
Note: These resources are based in the Philippines; check for mental healthcare providers in your region, as they may be more fit towards your needs.
REFERENCES AND READINGS
Calatrava, M., Martins, M. V., Schweer-Collins, M., Duch-Ceballos, C., & Rodríguez-González, M. (2022). Differentiation of self: A scoping review of Bowen Family Systems Theory’s core construct. Clinical psychology review, 91, 102101. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102101
Costa, R.M. (2017). Displacement (Defense Mechanism). In: Zeigler-Hill, V., Shackelford, T. (eds) Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8_1374-1
Garber, B.D. (2021). The Dynamics of the Enmeshed Family System Ten Years Later: Family Court and Contemporary Understanding of Adultification, Parentification, and Infantilization. Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. 34, 97-120. https://familylawconsulting.org/publications/Enmeshment%202021%20update.pdf
Love, P., & Robinson, J. (1991). The Emotional Incest Syndrome What to do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life. P.10-15. Bantam Books. http://www.vlebooks.com/vleweb/product/openreader?id=none&isbn=9780307799180