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Manifestations of Family Enmeshment: How has enmeshment appeared in your life
Written By: Mary Angeline Flordeliza and Lauren Janelle Peralta
If you or someone close to you has experienced family enmeshment, you may have noticed something confusing; Some experiences feel familiar across different families, while others seem completely different. Some children are excessively praised and relied upon, while others are belittled and forced to be dependent on their guardians.
These differences exist because enmeshment can take many forms. A child may experience one type consistently, or move between several different points in their life or even at the same time. While the expression of enmeshment may vary they share a common thread; The blurred emotional boundaries between parent and children.
Moving forward, we’ll explain the several common manifestations of enmeshed family dynamics and how they affect children as they grow older.
1. Parentification
Parentification is when a child assumes caregiving roles within the family that are inappropriate for their age and/or developmental capacity (Brochet, 2020). These can include, but are not limited to, emotional support, sibling care, and financial management; Responsibilities are typically reserved for the guardians in the family. (Abrea & Vargas, 2024)
While parentification may boost self-esteem, according to Brochet (2020), Arellano (2018), and Dariotis (2023), the role was significantly associated with depressive symptoms, anxiety, somatic symptoms, general psychological distress, burnout, and the feeling of a lost childhood.
Although parentification may provide some benefits, like temporarily boosting a child’s self-esteem, those who are parentified have less time to spend on themselves, making it harder to support their own wants and needs.
2. Infantilization
Infantilization occurs when capable individuals are persistently treated like children by family members, which then limits their growth and autonomy (Garber, 2011).
In our study “Exploring Familial Enmeshment and its Impact on the Mental Well-being of Filipino Gen Z Adults in Metro Manila, “ those infantilized reported feeling insecure and lacking essential life skills such as doing household chores, commuting, and financial management, due to overprotection, all while being belittled by those around them.
These may commonly result in low self-esteem, loss of agency, indecisiveness, struggles with identity, commitment issues, and a diminished sense of purpose.
3. Emotional Dependence
Defined by Love and Robinson (1991) and Adams (1991), Emotional Dependence, also known as Emotional Incest or Covert Incest, describes a parent who becomes dependent on a child for emotional support, intimacy, and/or companionship. This may include parents who displace their emotions onto their children, such as anger, frustration, anxiety, and so on.
In our previously mentioned study, some were expected to support their guardians when they vent, or felt the need to conform to their guardians’ beliefs to appease their emotions. For those parentified, these may look like a parent constantly venting, asking for advice, or treating their child as a therapist. While for those infantilized, these may look like a parent criticizing, comparing, or downplaying their child as they may struggle to differentiate or meet their own needs from that of their children.
4. Overinvolvement
In Olson’s Circumplex Model, he theorized that enmeshment in families can vary. Some are incredibly rigid in their rules, while others are less so. However, all of them indicate that enmeshed families prioritize conformity over open conversation, and create a shared social reality through emphasis on parental authority and family rules.
This is reflected in our study, wherein 76.7% of Filipino Gen-Z agreed that their parents projected the values of their generation onto them. So while parental authority can nurture and guide children, if it becomes too rigid and without open dialogue or encouragement of independent thought, it can hinder a child’s individuation, self-esteem, autonomy, and self-expression, as shown in prior literature in our study, which you can see here.
But why does it matter?
Family Enmeshment, as established, comes in many forms. Because of this, it may not look harmful on the surface. To outsiders, these relationships may masquerade as closeness, loyalty, and even care. But when a family’s boundaries are blurred, it may affect how a child grows up, as they may feel like they are constantly responsible for those around them, are unsure of their own needs and wants, and are incapable of forming healthy relationships due to the inability of forming proper boundaries with others.
By understanding these patterns and how they may manifest, we start to take the first steps towards understanding and healing; whether that means learning how to build boundaries, relearning self-autonomy, or something as simple as understanding and naming the experiences that once felt hard to explain.
If you need help in finding mental health providers, our team has curated a list of community resources that you can find in the link below!
Note: These resources are based in the Philippines; check for mental healthcare providers in your region, as they may be more fit towards your needs.
REFERENCES AND READINGS
Adams, K. M. (1991). Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners : Understanding Covert Incest. United States: Health Communications.
Borchet, J. Lewandowska-Walter, A. Połomski, P. Peplińska, A. & Hooper, L. M. (2020). We are in this Together: Retrospective Parentification, Sibling Relationships, and Self-Esteem. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 29(10), 2982–2991. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-020-01723-3
Arellano, B., Mier-Chairez, J., Tomek, S., & Hooper, L.M. (2018). Parentification and Language Brokering: An Exploratory Study of the Similarities and Differences in Their Relations to Continuous and Dichotomous Mental Health Outcomes. Journal of Mental Health Counseling.https://doi.org/10.17744/mehc.40.4.07
Dariotis, J. K., Chen, F. R., Park, Y. R., Nowak, M. K., French, K. M., & Codamon, A. M. (2023). Parentification Vulnerability, Reactivity, Resilience, and Thriving: A Mixed Methods Systematic Literature Review. International journal of environmental research and public health, 20(13), 6197. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20136197
Darke, L., Paterson, H. & van Golde, C. Illuminating Gaslighting: A Comprehensive Interdisciplinary Review of Gaslighting Literature. J Fam Viol (2025). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-025-00805-4
Epstein, R., Bock, S.D., Drew, M.J. et al. Infantilization across the life span: A large-scale internet study suggests that emotional abuse is especially damaging. Motiv Emot 47, 137–163 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-022-09989-4
Koerner, A. F., & Fitzpatrick, M. A. (2006). Family Communication Patterns Theory: A Social Cognitive Approach. In D. O. Braithwaite & L. A. Baxter (Eds.), Engaging theories in family communication: Multiple perspectives (pp. 50–65). Sage Publications, Inc. https://doi.org/10.4135/9781452204420.n4
Gaikwad, M.M., Sharma, L.(2023). Gaslighting: An In-depth review of Psychological Manipulation and its implications. EPRA International Journal of Multidisciplinary Research(IJMR). 9(10). 2455-3662. https://doi.org/10.36713/epra2013
Garber, B. D. (2011). Parental alienation and the dynamics of the enmeshed parent–child dyad: Adultification, parentification, and infantilization. Family Court Review, 49(2), 322–335. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1744-1617.2011.01374.x
Hann-Morrison, D. (2012). Maternal Enmeshment: The Chosen Child. SAGE Open, 2(4), 215824401247011. https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244012470115
Love, P., & Robinson, J. (1991). The Emotional Incest Syndrome What to do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life. P.10-15. Bantam Books.http://www.vlebooks.com/vleweb/product/openreader?id=none&isbn=9780307799180
Olson, D. H., Waldvogel, L., & Schlieff, M. (2019). Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems: An Update. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 11(2), 199–211. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jftr.12331
Marson, S. M., & Powell, R. M. (2014). Goffman and the infantilization of elderly persons: A theory in development. Journal of Sociology and Social Welfare, 41(4), 143–158.https://doi.org/10.15453/0191-5096.3986